how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
