that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
