At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
