I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Dicks are not precious.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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