just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
