So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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