We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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