All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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