I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
