No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
