No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
