I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
