I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
