Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
