I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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