i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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