i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
