You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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