omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i came on her dog
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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