you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
