How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
