It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you didnt know i had herpes?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
