dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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