; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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