I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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