he puts the penis in happiness.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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