HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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