my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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