My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I think I died a long time ago.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
