you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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