I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
