Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
