dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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