Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
