I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
