dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
