So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
