You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
