There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
