break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
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