cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
