A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
