every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
