and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize