I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
