Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
