Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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