i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
