I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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