And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
