At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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