Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize