Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
