i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
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