he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
