I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
