the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
