I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
