Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
