He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
