Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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