so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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