Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
