It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
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