My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
