I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She bit a glass in half.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
