My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
