if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
