Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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