P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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