I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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