We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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