I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
