I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
