We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
