I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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