dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
