we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
