his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
