omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
