last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
