i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
