I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I need moral support for this bender
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize