This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
