Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
