Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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