so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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