I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
