I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
