i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
