Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I want her autograph on my taint
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
