Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
