I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
