perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
