no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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