you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
